FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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