he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
That accounts for only three of the penises
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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