he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
