The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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