i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
