I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
