we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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