i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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