Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
