remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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