i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
