1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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