I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
