she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
