i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
