his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
