So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
