I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
