I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Everclear isn't food dammit
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize