rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
