My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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