I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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