If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
