Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So much rum. So many feels.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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