hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
