What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
