I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
