Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
