Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
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