Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
