Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
