Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
