I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
