She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
