I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
