I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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