I should be sponsored by Trojan
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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