he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
