can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
