I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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