My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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