People with herpes should wear stickers.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize