Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
