this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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