My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
