You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
