I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
