yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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