I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
