Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
