he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
