I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
