Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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