i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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