is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize