Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
