When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
