I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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