Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
