FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
