don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize