How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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