you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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