Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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