dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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