32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
ok first of all what the fuck
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
