What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
