dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
