I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
