He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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