Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
